Old Paradigm / New Paradigm
Old Paradigm / New Paradigm
Let me ask you something.
When you get triggered by others, do you notice it?
When you get caught in the thoughts between your own ears, do you notice it?
And do you notice how those moments quietly shape how you show up — with the world, and with
yourself?
What I’m pointing to here is the Old Paradigm.
Many will recognise it as the victim, persecutor, rescuer dynamic — often referred to as the drama
triangle. You don’t need three people. You don’t even need two. This triangle can play out entirely
within you.
The Old Paradigm: The Triangle
The Victim
The victim position is not weakness — it’s perceived powerlessness. It’s the inner narrative that
says: “This shouldn’t be happening,” “I can’t because…,” or “I’m stuck.”
When we sit here, life feels like something that happens to us. Responsibility feels heavy. Agency
feels distant. Even when the story is understandable, the cost is high — because from this position,
change always needs to come from somewhere else.
The Persecutor
The persecutor is not always an external bully. More often, it’s internal. It’s the harsh voice. The
tight standard. The blame — aimed outward or inward.
“You should be better.” “They’re the problem.” “This is wrong.”
The persecutor thrives on tension and certainty. It creates friction, not clarity. And while it can feel
powerful in the moment, it quietly fractures connection — with others, and with ourselves.
The Rescuer
The rescuer looks noble. Helpful. Responsible.
But the rescuer doesn’t actually trust capability — theirs or anyone else’s. It steps in too fast. It
fixes, advises, carries, absorbs.
Underneath the behaviour is a subtle belief: “If I don’t step in, things will fall apart.” And so the cycle
continues. Because rescuing keeps the victim a victim, and gives the persecutor something to push
against.
The old paradigm is inherently unstable. It relies on roles. It requires friction to exist.
Someone has to be wrong. Someone has to be right. Someone has to be responsible for something
they may not actually own.
This is why the old paradigm feels exhausting. It runs on reaction, blame, and defence. Most
importantly, it runs on separation.
The New Paradigm: The Circle
The new paradigm isn’t about fixing the triangle. It’s about stepping out of it altogether. It represents
wholeness.
Instead of victimhood, there is ownership.
Instead of persecution, there is discernment.
Instead of rescuing, there is presence.
In the circle, nothing needs to be attacked or saved. What’s required is awareness — and the
willingness to stay with what’s here without collapsing into story.
This doesn’t mean passivity. It doesn’t mean approval. It means responding instead of reacting.
From Drama to Responsibility
The shift from triangle to circle is subtle — yet profound. It happens the moment we stop asking:
“Who’s at fault?”
And start asking:
“What’s actually mine to meet here?”
This is where agency returns. This is where tension softens. This is where clarity lives.
No victims. No persecutors. No rescuers.
Just people learning to stand in the centre of their own experience — grounded, accountable, and
whole.
A simple practice:
When you feel yourself triggered or tightening, pause.
Ask: Circles or triangles?
Respond accordingly.
Let me ask you something.
When you get triggered by others, do you notice it?
When you get caught in the thoughts between your own ears, do you notice it?
And do you notice how those moments quietly shape how you show up — with the world, and with
yourself?
What I’m pointing to here is the Old Paradigm.
Many will recognise it as the victim, persecutor, rescuer dynamic — often referred to as the drama
triangle. You don’t need three people. You don’t even need two. This triangle can play out entirely
within you.
The Old Paradigm: The Triangle
The Victim
The victim position is not weakness — it’s perceived powerlessness. It’s the inner narrative that
says: “This shouldn’t be happening,” “I can’t because…,” or “I’m stuck.”
When we sit here, life feels like something that happens to us. Responsibility feels heavy. Agency
feels distant. Even when the story is understandable, the cost is high — because from this position,
change always needs to come from somewhere else.
The Persecutor
The persecutor is not always an external bully. More often, it’s internal. It’s the harsh voice. The
tight standard. The blame — aimed outward or inward.
“You should be better.” “They’re the problem.” “This is wrong.”
The persecutor thrives on tension and certainty. It creates friction, not clarity. And while it can feel
powerful in the moment, it quietly fractures connection — with others, and with ourselves.
The Rescuer
The rescuer looks noble. Helpful. Responsible.
But the rescuer doesn’t actually trust capability — theirs or anyone else’s. It steps in too fast. It
fixes, advises, carries, absorbs.
Underneath the behaviour is a subtle belief: “If I don’t step in, things will fall apart.” And so the cycle
continues. Because rescuing keeps the victim a victim, and gives the persecutor something to push
against.
The old paradigm is inherently unstable. It relies on roles. It requires friction to exist.
Someone has to be wrong. Someone has to be right. Someone has to be responsible for something
they may not actually own.
This is why the old paradigm feels exhausting. It runs on reaction, blame, and defence. Most
importantly, it runs on separation.
The New Paradigm: The Circle
The new paradigm isn’t about fixing the triangle. It’s about stepping out of it altogether. It represents
wholeness.
Instead of victimhood, there is ownership.
Instead of persecution, there is discernment.
Instead of rescuing, there is presence.
In the circle, nothing needs to be attacked or saved. What’s required is awareness — and the
willingness to stay with what’s here without collapsing into story.
This doesn’t mean passivity. It doesn’t mean approval. It means responding instead of reacting.
From Drama to Responsibility
The shift from triangle to circle is subtle — yet profound. It happens the moment we stop asking:
“Who’s at fault?”
And start asking:
“What’s actually mine to meet here?”
This is where agency returns. This is where tension softens. This is where clarity lives.
No victims. No persecutors. No rescuers.
Just people learning to stand in the centre of their own experience — grounded, accountable, and
whole.
A simple practice:
When you feel yourself triggered or tightening, pause.
Ask: Circles or triangles?
Respond accordingly.